I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
