I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
