Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
