that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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