you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
