why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
