yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Randomize
