I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
