fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
