I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
