if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
