The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
