I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize