Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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