i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
