margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
