I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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