Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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