do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
