that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I didn't notice because vodka
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
