You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
