Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
