if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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