dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
