i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
