I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
