He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
