Porn is love you can see.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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