Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
