Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
My feet surprised me
Randomize
