8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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