we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
false alarm, still single
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize