i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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