Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
