i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
