I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
