none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
