I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
