Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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