I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Randomize
