I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
