did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize