The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize