Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
