If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
