remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
