She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
