youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
