That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
