So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
worst night to have a conscience
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
