I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
