her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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