names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
