im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
