Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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