my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I'm eating all of the evidence.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
