Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
