i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
