My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize