Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
