just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
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