so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
