Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
