I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
