I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
