Whatcha textin bout Willis?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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