There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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