two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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