I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
