Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
