Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
