i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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