She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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